Encounter With An Entitled Teenager (Part 2)

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By Kingsley Obom-Egbulem

Children can become conceited; taking things for granted when they have never been on their knees, helpless and trusting God for something money cannot buy.

And so…when a conceited and, somewhat narcissistic teenager meets another teenager who is battling a terminal disease, it’s hard to predict the outcome of such an encounter.
It could go any way; from shocking, traumatic to humbling. Or downright annoying.

My young man had all of these feelings.
And for the first time, the bravado that comes with being the self-entitled, only son of the family, doted on by every one, paled considerably, paving way for a deep-seated — contrite sobering reality.

“What would you be doing by now if you were the one on that hospital bed with those gadgets on body?” I asked, hoping to break the inconvenient silence that had placed a wedge between us as we drove on.

We were on our way back to Ikosi Road, where we had taken off from in the first place. His mum had arrived much earlier than schedule and waiting for us with bated breath.

The more I drove, the longer the silence persisted.

“The label on your clothes and trainers; the brand of car the driver is coming to pick you with after school would be the last thing on your mind if that was your medical report,” I said, not sure whether I was rubbing it in or helping him in such prolonged sober reflection.

In any case, we had taken off on this recovery journey. Our destination, hopefully, is “a life of gratitude” for this teenager who feels the world owes him everything — no, thanks to his parents.

By now, tears were rolling down his face. It had welled up during our prolonged period of silence, and began streaming down in between those moments of reflection.

My young man was no longer where he used to be, regarding his attitude to life. But there was every need to sustain whatever gains we’ve made that day. So, I gave him an assignment as he made to join his mother.

“There’s a young lady I need you to research her story when you get home,” I said, handing him a sheet of paper. “I’ll need you to find out a thing or two about her on the Internet and share with me when next we meet.”

I was so sure his life would never remain the same again if he attempts that assignment. If he had any drop of sense in his brain, if he had any sense of gratitude and ability to process and reason properly, that assignment would definitely reveal it .

It is not an easy task helping teenagers develop empathy. It’s even tougher when such a teenager constantly compares himself with other kids who are well-off. Interestingly, they don’t always put themselves in the shoes of those who are not as fortunate as they are and be grateful for where they are or what they have. It doesn’t occur to them that they can lose whatever they have. I observed this while working with my young man. “Do you know that some parents have gone on a trip and never returned?”, I said to him.

Most teenagers can’t think rationally because their brain is still ‘under construction’. Hence, they process information emotionally. The prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain needed for logical reasoning and sense of consequence) is not properly developed. So, teenagers process information with the *Amygdala* (pronounced Ah-mig-dala) the part of the brain associated with emotions, impulses, and instinct.

And the mid-adolescent period is even the worst because that’s when the brain is undergoing pruning and remodeling such that the frontal part of the brain and the prefrontal cortex needs to synergise for proper decisions.

*Why do you need to understand this biological mystery*? To improve relationship with your teenager. But most importantly, to help him/her develop empathy and a sense of gratitude. *The leader in us is aroused not by strategy ,but by empathy.*

*Oluwatobiloba Ajayi* was the young lady I asked my young friend to research. He actually did. And it was a watershed moment when he eventually got to meet her after reading her story. I’ll tell you more about Tobi in my next post.

Registration for this year’s *Teens Leadership Summit* is still ongoing. The date is August 18-20,2021. 9am to 2pm daily. It won’t leave your teenager the same. Email contactme@iamkingsley.com.ng or 08053788199 to register or sponsor a teenager.

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